An American Hero
I've always had difficulty answering questions about who my heroes are. I suppose I have always been hesitant to believe that a person can rise to a level of excellence that deserves the total, unabashed admiration of complete strangers and the label "hero".
Today, however, my highest hopes for mankind have finally been realized. The zenith of human achievement has been reached, and we all stand in awe of a true American hero: John Giboney.
That's right, my friend. That photo you see here is real, and it really does depict John (who once famously drank a 24 oz bottle of maple syrup in 20 seconds) chugging an enormous quantity of pickle juice, a stunt which he miraculously survived unharmed.
With the performance of such a spectacular feat, how can anyone place a limit on the potential of man to achieve, to conquer all obstacles in the single minded pursuit of greatness? Surely the cure for cancer, the control of nuclear fusion, and the return of good Simpsons episodes must be just around the corner, as word of John's accomplishment spreads around the globe, inspiring a generation of young people.
So for those of you who know John, buy this man a drink. And for those of you who don't, you can still raise your glasses and drink a toast to a true American hero.
1 comment:
You forgot about the near three pounds of stuffed pork chops, the $16 spent at mcdonalds and eaten in one sitting, the infamous crave case that was eaten after districts in track my junior year, The 10 beers in 10 minutes performance, the 4 beer beer bong, The time Shockley bet me I couldn't eat a huge slice of lasagna and then I ate three of them, and the countless times i've chugged 2-liters of soda. (I think i'm up to 4)
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