Thanks a Lot, TNT.

While watching television the other day, I witnessed probably the most appalling and offensive thing that has ever been aired outside of Portugal. I was casually viewing the movie "Casino", in which Joe Pesci's character and his brother are severely beaten with baseball bats, in full view of the camera, and then buried alive in a corn field. Needless to say, I was extremely entertained, as were my five year old son and eight year old daughter. But then came the offensive part.

During the commercial break, TNT had the audacity to run an advertisement for the "Durex Play Vibrations", which I discovered, after several days of intensive Internet research, is a vibrating "cock ring". This device's method of operation is too foul to mention in a publication as respectable as my blog, but suffice it to say that not only is it a "sex toy", but one that is designed to enhance the sexual experience of women.

As stated in other disclaimers on this blog, I am not a medical or health professional of any kind. I do feel, however, that I am qualified to make broad and emphatic statements regarding public health, cardiology, dentistry, epidemiology, and especially gynecology, based on inferences from The View and Bill O'Reilly. That said, I make the simple, noncontroversial statement that the female orgasm (like female sexuality in general) is a liberal myth, and that, as a simple corollary, the Durex Play Vibrations is a disgusting instrument of Satanism designed to help perverts commit sodomy.

Let me just say here that I consider myself fairly progressive when it comes to sex. People can do whatever they want, within the bounds of a heterosexual marriage, as long as both partners are fully clothed, in the missionary position, and in total darkness. And no anal. What I find offensive is that sexual perversions are put on full display, on primetime television, while my children and I are trying to entertain ourselves by watching a man shoot another man in the back of the head, causing blood to spray out of his mouth and nose.

My children can understand violence on a basic, visceral level, and they seem to be very entertained by it without any guidance from me. Sex, though, is a complicated subject beyond their current understanding. And now, thanks to the incompetent failure of TV networks to shield my children from content of the programs I allow them to watch, I might actually have to explain something about human sexuality to my children. And why the hell should I be expected to do that?